Aaron Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Puking is my body's way of saying, "Now there's room for more booze!"
←Rate | 10-10-2010 08:32 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Every obese person needs a shirt that says "I beat Anorexia"
←Rate | 01-12-2011 17:19 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Nobody move!" -- the name of my stationary store
←Rate | 01-10-2013 16:21 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Anybody wanna come and drink dinner with me?
←Rate | 10-26-2010 21:17 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon My life needs more explosions and gaping plot holes.
←Rate | 05-31-2011 17:26 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon "look sharp" - me to my poorly maintained knives before guests arrive
←Rate | 04-22-2013 09:55 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some humans believe that escalators have special powers that suck all moving abilities from their legs as soon as their feet touch one.
←Rate | 02-19-2016 22:06 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Look at your man. Look at me. Look back at your man. Now look at me. What are we selling. I'm confused. Blame the mushrooms. I'm on a horse.
←Rate | 10-04-2010 16:14 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon I love when I can still smell your colon on my pillow the next day. -why spelling matters
←Rate | 09-29-2015 21:40 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon I bet you wish you could cut and paste a brain into your head.
←Rate | 01-26-2013 18:02 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Fools rush in... and get the best seats in the house.
←Rate | 10-17-2010 10:58 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Every time I hear someone say "The Lord works in mysterious ways," I picture him performing miracles while doing the robot.
←Rate | 03-16-2011 11:56 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon You're hiking. Smokey the Bear appears smoking a cigar. He nods, flicks it into a pile of leaves and smiles, "No one will ever believe you."
←Rate | 10-14-2013 20:40 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon it possible that at Brett Favre's age he just keeps forgetting he retired?
←Rate | 08-17-2010 21:59 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think my mind has lost me.
←Rate | 08-23-2013 14:16 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon There was just a 5.8 earthquake in Washington. Obama wanted it to be 3.4, but the Republicans wanted 5.8, so he compromised.
←Rate | 08-23-2011 15:15 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon I had a near death experience, and I saw heaven. People were screaming and there was fire everywhere. It was glorious.
←Rate | 11-03-2011 10:18 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon I lost my pet stone in North Africa. Where did Morocco?
←Rate | 01-23-2013 18:25 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon I eat my cereal with a knife.
←Rate | 11-17-2012 22:53 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon I use to be great at wordplay. Once a pun a time.
←Rate | 08-25-2010 20:16 by Aaron Comments (0)  




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