Funny Status Messages

   Boys Cheat On Pretty Girls with Ugly Girls , Cause Ugly Girls Are Willinggg To Do Everything A Pretty Girl Won't !

   ... Hard to believe we are at another anniversary of 9/11 again ..... It's also hard to believe that the same people that funded that attack are also funding 20% of Hillary Clinton's Presidential Campaign!!! .... My how times have changed!!

   I can still use my welfare $ to upgrade to the new iPhone and put gas in my Lexus, right??

   Anyone planning on watching Lucifer tonight? Just to clarify, I'm not talking about the new TV show on Fox, I'm talking about Hillary Clinton at the Democratic Town Hall debate on CNN.

   There never any protests at events for Hillary or Bernie, because no one is listening to them idiots

   Every Villain In Movies: "But before I kill you, I want to tell you this really long story so someone can come and save you"

   The us army: when it absolutely positively has to be destroyed overnight!

   Remember the olden days when girls who didn't have titties would just wear shirts that show off their bellybutton. "i got no boobs but I got a bellybutton!"

   The only reason to wait a month for sex is if she's 17 years, 11 months old.

   Your first mistake was leaving me. Your second mistake was thinking I would die without you.

   Ladies.... you cannot ruin friendship with sex.... thats like trying to ruin ice cream with chocolate syrup.... which btw does not ruin sex either

   BREAKING: "Hey, Where Is Everybody?" Says Chilean Miner No. 34

   Newt Gingrich is the Republican front runner? I wouldn't bother getting those moving boxes just yet, Barack.

   thought of the day .....if I were a dog and you were a flower I would lift up my leg and give you a shower ! lol

   the guy that put the laughter in manslaughter...

   "Justin Bieber" has 12 letters. So does gayyyyyyyyyy. Coincidence? I think not.

   The last four letters in "American" are "I can." The last four letters in "Republican" are "I can." The last four letters in "Democrats" are "rats."

   Yesterday yet another person jumped the White House fence. It happened again. On the bright side, at least Michelle Obama is finally getting more Americans to exercise.

   (_8(I) - Tilt your head to the left. Who does this look like?

   Jesus Christ. I'm as high as whoever wrote the Bible.