Czovczov Funny Status Messages

   Cmon kid, do or say something funny already. Daddy needs a new Facebook Status Update.

   “B*tch don't kill my vibe” – me talking to my phone battery.

   Drink until the bottle is emptier than you.

   Only if some people knew how silly, stupid and ridiculous they look while holding a selfie stick...

   He who is humble is not stressed by the superiority complex of fools around him.

   Not now kids. I'm managing my online empire.

   If you love someone, keep drinking

   A Women's work is never done because she's too busy telling a Man how to do his work.

   Boy, they don't like when you go up for seconds at church.

   I bet bunnies would be super-stoked if we introduced them to salad dressing.

   Planning to take my relationship to the next level this Valentine's day but I couldn't find a store that sells wedding rings for cats!

   It's a good week to get an Oscar but not a good week to be an Oscar.

   90% of people who claim to have "come from the bottom" don't realise that they are still stuck at the bottom.

   Companies and money-hungry capitalists are ruining Facebook with their advertising and snooping.

   Sex is awesome as long as you don't accidenatlly catch or create anything.

   ME: “I’m totally over my ex” VODKA: “We’ll see about that”

   "It's okay." - Women, right before they spend 5hrs telling you why it isn't ok.

   Ladies: If your guy gives you his jacket when you are cold, he expects you to give him sex when he's horny.

   Don't do drugs; they can mess up your finances. You can save some money and get the same effect from just standing up really fast.

   I'd kiss you right now but my breath would make you instantly drunk!