Funny Status Messages
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***News Alert*** Michelle Obama is stunned her husband didn't win Best Actor. 
Even though God is my co-pilot..... He also, is on the "no-fly" list.. Thanks Sadly, to His ties to several extremist groups..... You jerks
doing what her rice crispies tell her to....
I stepped in a big pile of Obama at the dog park this morning.
C)-hrist gave H)-imself as a R)-eward so that I)-ndividuals know the S)-acrifices T)-hat he made for M)-ankind to A)-chieve the gift of S)-alvation.”
Hillary lost, get over yourselves....
Wish that the media was more interested in Hillary's emails than Tom Brady's deflated balls
Trump Unfit? Obama entered office without any successful executive experience .... and after Eight Years in Office ..... Will leave .... in the same way .....
Going to MacDonalds for a Salad is like going to a prostitute for a hug.
gathering Volcanic Ash to throw at you
I always give 100% at work: 13% Monday, 22% Tuesday, 26% Wednesday, 35% Thursday, 4% Friday.
wondering why Facebook doesnt have a relationship status that says "SLEEPING WITH YOUR MAN" You KNOW a lot of people would be down for that on FB!!!
stocking up on Twinkies and shoe polish so he can replace Oprah in 2011.
You may not like her but Jesus thinks she's to die for
the next person that tells me they have a 3 day weekend is getting a firework shoved up their poop shoot!
Did you know if you hit someone really hard with a hammer, they IMMEDIATELY start planking?
I wanna sleep with her, I wanna sleep with her, I wanna sleep with her, I wanna sleep with her, men don't think like that. We think I wanna screw her! No sleep involved
So after leading on thousands of supporters in order to collect millions in campaign contributions, Sarah Palin has announced that she will not be running for President, but not without first spending stacks of donated cash on a cross country family vacat
where are all thedouche bags that said this was some anti gun control nut job now?
I went for a run but came back home after 5 minutes because I forgot something....... I forgot that I'm fat and can't run for more than 5 minutes 