Funny Status Messages
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I'd love to hear about your weekend plans just give me a second to put on my airplane neck pillow. 
The Buddhist Mafia is called Karma.
If making guns illegal will get them off the street why don't we make drugs illegal?!? Oh wait......
eating out..at home. ;)
Well here I am, sitting on the pavement with my pork pies, sandwiches, & beer. Flying my union jack flag, cheering at the top of my voice with British pride as the procession goes past. Dont you just love muslim funerals.
A chinese couple had a black baby guess what they named him? Sum ting wong
Breaking News: The State of Indiana just made "smear the queer" the official playground game.
Why do women fart after they pee? They can't shake it so they blow it dry.
Gov. Chriatie pledges $15mil to repair NJ boardwalk. Will raise money by going on a diet...
Just read a report that said 86% of holy water tested had fecal matter in it. Holy shít!!
Relationships are like fat people... they just don't workout !!
Lakers...Celtics....Lakers......Celtics...............um....Lakers.....Celtics............WHEN DA HELL DOES FOOTBALL season start!!!
electrocuting the engineers.
Fox News is blaming Obama for Miley's twerking.
Katy Perry's new video is so unrealistic, all those people exploding and not a Muslim in sight.
FYI Obama has given billions in corporate welfare...^
going to drink wet cement and get really stoned.
Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me alone.
almost killed today when she fell off a horse. Thank god the Kmart employee saw me, came over and unplugged the thing!
Police were called to a day-care centre today.... A two year old boy was resisting a rest. 