SuthernFukr Funny Status Messages

   Anyone who thinks Megan Fox is the hottest thing ever has obviously never left Pizza Rolls in too long.

   I just cleaned out the fireplace so that "Santa won't get dirty". I did it for my son because I love him, even though he's delusional.

   Just woke up. Ice cream melted. Not sure where I am. Smells like basement.

   Making love is like making pancakes. When done on one side, flip over to finish.

   Tracy Morgan collapsed at Sundance and is blaming the altitude. I agree. He was way too high.

   We never had an on-and-off relationship before getting married. Ours was more of an in-and-out-and-in-out thing. People should try that!

   If there wasn't such thing as a last minute I'd never get anything done.

   I'm currently seeking a corporate sponsor for my retirement.

   I'm seriously as bored as a vegetarian gay guy at hooters!

   Nothing says "I'm carrying $3 and a Guitar Center receipt" like a wallet chain.

   I come from a long line of people waiting to get in.

   I don't mind going to work. It's that eight-hour wait to go home that bugs me.

   Damn...I'm having an out of money experience.

   Rick Perry should start campaigning in one of those giant foam cowboy hats.

   Eventually gravity lowers every woman's standards.

   Thought an owl threw up in my bed but no apparently I ate half a granola bar in my sleep.

   My dentist just said I'm getting a crown! I must have been a *super* good patient today.

   In case you're wondering, sneezing while peeing is very uncomfortable indeed.

   The last time she got 100% on a test it involved peeing on a stick.

   Turns out Smart Cars also make great fridge magnets.