CzovCzov Funny Status Messages

   So orphans only have 9 commandments to deal with?

   “Let me rephrase this question so I can get pissed off at you all over again.” - WOMEN

   I'm no expert but I think your Facebook status updates can be used for your insanity defense.

   I only get in the van if they offer me drugs and alcohol because screw candy I'm a grown ass man and you can't fool me.

   Banning Ke$ha's song is almost as embarrassing as admitting you even play Ke$ha on your radio station!

   The designated driver's most important job is making sure no one gets any tattoos!

   She is not crazy, she is female.

   Note to self: Don't flirt with unstable girls. They take you serious.

   Marriage is the opposite of prison; the better you behave, the longer your sentence.

   I'm a great musician. I was playing my trumpet at 5am when my neighbor threw a brick through my window. He must've wanted to hear me better.

   Flavored condoms? What's wrong with pen*s flavor?

   You win some, you booze some.

   I'm so ignored here I'm beginning to think all of you are actually cats.

   Rise and shine all the beautiful women of the world. Ugly women, go back to sleep, your time is coming, at night.

   Apparently Pound Town is NOT a British dollar store.

   Never judge someone until you've walked a mile in their shoes. Unless their shoes are Crocs. Those as sholes can die in a fire.

   Women go shopping at the mall, Men go shopping on Facebook.

   You're either part of the solution or part of this meeting!

   The curvy girl gets the worm.

   Аliens would laugh if they knew the smartest spесies on the planet still kills each other over religion.