Czovczov Funny Status Messages

   "Please make me happy" I whisper to my prescription.

   Error 404: Hugo Chavez Not Found

   I found the vodka… it was hiding in the orange juice!

   Dear Liver: This month is gonna be tough. hang in there and stay strong buddy.

   My timeline hates your drama.

   What doesn't kill you is probably a poison made in China.

   Do they have dressing rooms for you to try on a smart car before you buy it?

   Dude, she just called you a Mexican... Oh hell no, hold my taco.

   If ladies were labeled heroes instead of sluts for sleeping around too much, us guys would be having a lot more sex. Someone screwed up here.

   "What's the point of winning all these golden covered Grammys if there isn't chocolate in the middle?" - Adele

   Officer, I promise this weed is prescription, it's for my pathological lying!!

   Relationships are like @nal s ex, it looks so much easier in the movies.

   ❒ Single ❒ Taken ✔ Makes animal noises whenever someone approaches

   You knew how I chew when you agreed to marry me.

   Netflix and panic attack?

   My emotional status hinges on how long I have to wait to eat again.

   Maybe Adele is singing about her cats. You don’t know.

   the Republican Presidential race sounds as substantial as Keeping up with the Kardashians.

   "You've changed" No actually I think the proper term is, "I've stopped trying to please you."

   No human society exists without booze or religion. That's why we drink religiously.