SuthernFukr Funny Status Messages

   Bumperstickers are a great way to let people know you're a moron.

   I just had to use a can opener to get my jeans off.

   Someone just licked their thumb before handing me a paper. I hope my story inspires other victims to come forward.

   The Lord works in mysterious ways… Just like those road maintenance guys.

   I'm going to install a horn for the back of my car for retaliatory, defensive honks.

   Tired apostrophes risk falling into a comma.

   I always feel tricked into exercise when I peel an orange.

   Everyone hits a brick wall now and then, the trick is not to do it with your head.

   Really proud of my parallel parking job. Come see it at 4350 West Elm until 8.

   Soon, an African child soldier will fire an M-16 while wearing a Lakers jersey with WORLD PEACE on the back.

   Limbo, Gluttony, Greed, Anger, Heresy, Violence, Fraud, Treachery - The eight circles of hell when visiting a Walmart. Lust is at Best Buy.

   Smith and Johnson are the two most common last names in US. So when you go to the bar, make sure you try putting drinks on those tabs first.

   The California roll is just the pig-n-the-blanket of sushi, right?

   Why is it a "12-pack" and not a "jury of your beers"?

   "Um...I'm getting paid overtime for this, right?" --my liver

   there a Hallmark card for "I think it's time we try anal"? There should be.

   If anybody steals my identity, at least I'll know who to look for.

   Morning. Cold again outside but I don't mind cos it makes it more Christmasy. And yes that is a word.

   The guy next door won't stop revving his bike so I'm going to spray paint his Harley pink and attach a white basket to it while he's asleep.

   I love Scrooge McDuck for his personality, not his wealth.