BEGO Funny Status Messages

   Basically the whole point of Facebook is so you can see if you’re prettier than your ex’s new girlfriend.

   The amount of paper towel I use to squash and discard a bug is directly related to whether or not I know what kind of bug it is

   I'm giving up on the silent treatment. Going to start talking to myself again.

   Microwave minutes are longer than regular minutes.

   Did we give a Nobel Prize to the guy that thought of wrapping other food items in bacon?

   The reason we give kids middle names is so they can tell when they're really in trouble.

   They need to make an app that shows you what your name is saved as in other people's phone.

   If I don't get enough sleep, I'm tired. If I get too much, I'm tired. And even if I get the right amount, I still need three pots of coffee.

   Dear coworkers, please understand that my headphones on are the international sign for "leave me the hell alone."

   when you're in the shower, and you hear loud thumps and you think "they're killing my family, and I'll have to fight the attacker naked.."

   Let love come to you, be patient. In fairy tales they don't find each other until the last page :)

   PROFILE PICTURES: What people want other people to think they look like. TAGGED PICTURES: What they actually look like.

   When life gives you a Grenade, pull the pin and toss it to your EX..

   You know why there are no wal-marts in Afghanistan? Cause theres a Target in every corner...

   Whoever put "Too Cool to Do Drugs" on a pencil is retarded. Every time you sharpen it: "Cool to Do Drugs" "Do Drugs" and "Drugs"

   Never chase love, affection, or attention. If it isn't given freely by another person, it isn't worth having

   wondering what the weather's like in India. I think i'll call AT&T.

   No Girlfriend November was a success, now for Don't Date December, Just Me January, Forever Alone February, No Match March..... I got this.

   Don't judge me until you know me. Don't underestimate me until you challenge me. And don't talk about me until you talk to me

   Love is not about how much you say "I love you", but how much you can prove that it's true.