LEMONPILLOW Funny Status Messages

   ..what makes Monday mornings so tolerable is my favourite mug filled with coffee and familiar faces filled with gossip..

   This status was sent from inside the Channel Tunnel. Try that on your precious iPhones.

   Life is like a hot bath. It feels good while you're in it, but the longer you stay, the more wrinkled you get.

   Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time because then you won't have a leg to stand on.

   You don't have to be good at anagrams to see that Pope Benedict is an Epic Bent Pedo.

   ..oh dear. Some special ed class somewhere is missing a student..

   Did you hear about the gay dwarf? He came out of the cupboard.

   Get away from me! What am i? Flypaper for freaks?

   My cosmetic surgery might have gone wrong but I'm smiling on the inside.

   Don't reach for the stars. You'll just look like a idiot stretching for no reason.

   ..is working on her bad intentions since the road to Hell is paved with good ones.

   God created man before woman... but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.

   I explained to the doctor, "Whenever I harvest our cornfields, I get a really bad headache." "It's a migraine," he explained. "No, it's not, it's mine - and why the hell have you started speaking Italian?"

   Exercise programme: Take one Weetabix. Take an Aero chocolate bar.Crumble the Aero over the Weetabix. Voila. Aerobix.

   If you're going to have two faces, you'd think you'd make one of them attractive

   People used to protest things... Now they just join Facebook groups named 1,000,000 strong against ___________ .

   Two Irish couples decide to spice up their sex lives by swapping partners.Paddy says "that was great, I wonder how the girls got on?"

   ..just has this way of lighting up a room whenever she walks in. She flips a switch.

   ...is a Vagitarian. :-)

   Anything that is not about elephants is irrelphant.