g0re Funny Status Messages

   It would be funny to make your facebook status "OMG IT ACTUALLY WORKS" and then 5 minutes later make another facebook status that says "Well, I'm gonna test out this time machine",

   Her: What did you buy me for my birthday? Him: You see that pink Mercedes over there? Her: Yessss??? Him: Well I brought you a toothbrush the same color.

   The best way to end an argument is to let your opponent scream out a statement and reply by throwing up your hands and saying, "That's exactly what I've been trying to tell you!" and then walking away.

   that awkard moment when your trapped in the corner of your shower because the cold water came out

   Sometimes you can't tell if you're just in a bad mood or everyone around you is being annoying.

   Bus drivers inwardly laugh at you when they drop you off in the rain.

   "I didnt do it..." "Then why are you laughing?" "Cause whoever did it is a f*cking genius!"

   Dont you ou hate when you're at someone's house and they ask stupid questions like "Who are you?" and "Is that a gun?",

   It was better back when you could look under a bottle cap and see you won instantly, rather than this entering a code online thing they have now. I want to look under the cap and see "YOU WON!" instead of ED34GH.

   There are times where you really do feel sorry for Squidward.

   If you think about it Johnny Bravo would be perfect for Jersey Shore.

   GF: Babe what are you doing?? BF:Nothing much, really tired just going to sleep now hunny and you sweetheart ? GF:In the club standing right behind you

   My math teacher staples Burger King applications on failed tests.

   Self checkout was invented by a guy who had to buy tampons.

   If Batman and Catwoman had a kid, it would become either a Batcat, or the less popular Manwoman.

   It makes sense that animals pee on something to mark their territory. I mean if someone peed on something, most people would be like, "Eww, okay. That's yours now."

   Only people with sh!tty video cameras and shaky hands can see UFOs.

   Welcome to America:You can be the valedictorian of your class, go to college, get a Doctorate's Degree, get a really good job, and you're still not going to make as much each year as Snooki.

   Gentlemen, for the next 2-3 weeks the best pick up line at any bar is, "What's Call of Duty?" You can thank me at the bachelor party.

   A lot of people assume when you laugh while texting someone, it's because what they said is funny. But in most cases, you're laughing at what YOU said because you're just that freaking hilarious.