Yaj Funny Status Messages

   Does anybody know today's date?

   Today I heard a guy on the street say, 'It's chowder season, baby!' so I pushed him in front of a bus because those are awesome last words

   Heros don't wear capes, they wear dog tags.

   Just got a message from Jaheem Kofi, the kid I'm feeding for $.50 a day in Ivory Coast... he wants his NY Ranger 2014 Stanley Cup Champions T-shirt in small.

   Kim n kanye should name their kid 'KiIlevry" .. .. KiIlevry Kardashian has a nice ring too it

   Congrats Khloe Kardashian! You're father was granted parole!

   I wish "Earth Day" was a realityh show in which we can vote people off of the planet.

   Anyone else notice that "The Los Angeles Angels" directly translates to "The The Angels Angels"?

   feels like pile-driving his whiny coworker thru a thick glass table bound with barbed wire into a pool of rubbing alcohol with rusty nails and then set it on fire and drink a beer...

   I see all these women outside in short skirts. If they don't catch frostbite, they'll definitely catch an STD

   never forget the 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

   wondering why Band*Aid doesnt make ethnically colored bandages

   "Vegeterian" is American Indian for 'Bad Hunter'

   The best way to live a miserable life is to pay attention to what other people are saying about you.

   's words to live by: Treat everyone you meet with dignity and respect but always have a plan to kill them.

   giving up Status Updates for lent

   thinks that the US Soccer team should dress up as oral hygienists to scare the english into forfeiture

   Someone wrote "REtARd" on my window this morning. . . took me 3 effin hours to lick it clean :-/

   At the Karma Cafe, there are no menus. You get served what you deserve.

   It's wierd paying taxes as a stoner knowing that a portion will be used trying to incarcerate yourself.