Fazzy Funny Status Messages

   The biggest problem in society today is that there is an entire generation of younger people that have never been punched in the face.

   Dear Advertisers – white heterosexuals still use fabric softener, buy insurance and walk their dogs.

   Kamala has had more politicians in her than the White House, the Capitol and the Lincoln Memorial combined.

   I was on the phone earlier with a friend in upstate New York. We touched on the weather. She said, "It's wet, gloomy and mostly in the 40's. I said that sounds like my sƐx life.

   Waiter: Would you like a Chef's Salad, Caesar Salad or Cobb Salad salad with your ribeye? Me: None. I don't eat the food my food eats.

   If you enter into a relationship and discover she has 5 kids and a Yorkshire Terrier, give it up. There's no way you'll ever take precedence over the Yorkie.😛

   Upside: I had a dream that NASCAR teamed up with NASA and came up with a flying car. Downside: It only made left turns.

   I don't believe I get enough credit for the fact that I do all of this without being on any medication.

   The worst part about growing old is having to hang out with old people.

   This isolation thing is going to make Palm Sunday mean something completely different to a lot of people.

   I can't find any masks, gloves, or hand sanitizers. Long story short, I just now paid for the premium version of McAfee antivirus. Let's what happens.

   North Korea leader Kim Jong-un is presumed either dead or in a vegetative state. Most likely Bok Choy.

   You know. The world would be a happier place if everyone had the same sense of humor as the guy who named his supermarket chain Piggly Wiggly.

   No one ever boycotted my beans! - George W. Büsh

   Who cares about Elmer Fudd's rifle. I'm way more concerned about them taking Marvin the Martian's Illudium Q-36 Explosive Space Modulator.🗼

   And just like that, people on Facebook went from being politicians to being epidemiologists.

   The only thing worse than not getting a joke, is being offended by one.

   95% of my news feed is now agenda driven. The other 5% is: "There's a bed and a chair in a room. If someone enters the room, how many pancakes each did the seat cushion and the mattress eat?

   Being old is like being young. When ur young, you have to wait after you eat to go swimming. When you're old, you have to wait after you take Viagra to have sex. Either way, you have to wait an hour before you can go for a "dip."

   I joined the Flat Earth Society. I'm hoping they see my stomach the same way they see the planet.