Baddie Funny Status Messages

   You don't know this but right after you leave the restaurant with your crying baby the rest of us applaud.

   A threesome? Nah not for me. If I wanted to horribly disappoint two other people I'd go out to dinner with my parents.

   Just gave my girlfriend my two week notice.

   I'm sick of closing out every job interview with "I was young. I needed the money."

   Being white has its disadvantages too, you know. It can be super hard to find a rap song on iTunes when you spell all the words correctly.

   Please don't come to my garage sale if you've ever let me borrow something.

   I'm not mature enough to be in a yoga class.

   If you cry loudly enough at a Walmart everyone will just assume you work there.

   If you wear a tie with a short sleeve shirt you can walk into any RadioShack and start working.

   Say what you want about Canada but they successfully got rid of Justin Bieber.

   Oh is it really raining outside? Please post a status update for all of us with no windows.

   I just counted 37 things at my work that I could kill my boss with.

   All cursive neck tattoos should just say ‘child support.

   Your outfit says you work in an office, but your shoes say it might have a pole in it

   I hate when I order a pizza online & it asks "Do you accept the terms and conditions?" I'm ordering a pizza, not launching a nuclear weapon.

   You had me at "there's no security cameras."

   So this whole working for a living sh*t goes on for how long?

   All this restraining order means is that I love you too much.

   Maybe I should get married. Its not like I have sex anyway.

   You should be required to read a book for every 10 selfies you take.