Czovczov Funny Status Messages

   Eat s hit and live! - dung beetles

   The quickest way to a man's heart is to saw through the thoracic cage of ribs and sternum, and then penetrate the pericardium

   Pro death penalty - If you don't value other people's lives, why the hell should they value yours?

   “You guys are jerks for eating those living things. You should eat these living things instead.” - Vegetarians

   You know something is seriously wrong, when you double the value of your car every time you fill up the tank.

   Because I'm a gentleman, I'll carry you to the kitchen afterwards so you can make me a sandwich.

   If I used to flirt with you everyday and then I suddenly stopped, don't stress. Its not because I no longer find you hot and attractive. It's probably because I received a death threat from your husband.

   A girl plays with your mind. A woman explores it.

   Satan has introduced many awful things to mankind like herpes and aids, but I'd say one of his worst has got to be The Gangnam Style.

   Woke up face down in a ditch, I must have tried to tell a woman what to do again.

   A pregnancy test that also tells who the father is. But instead of a stick, you pee on Maury Povich. Don't worry, he's into it. TRUST ME

   Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It just means that you found the right medication.

   The conversation between your fingers and someone else's skin is the most magnificent discussion you can ever have.

   People who say, “I am a lover NOT a fighter” are full of bullsh!t. If you love something, you WILL fight for it.

   I thought I had a real feeling today. Turned out I was just sober.

   I've decided to nickname my fridge 'Facebook'. Because even if I know there's nothing there, I still check it every time I go into the room.

   To catch a bus you have to think like a bus!

   My love life is like a unicorn. I don't have a unicorn.

   50 Shades of Grey - a book for people who don't normally read books or have sex.

   If por n has taught me anything it’s that if you’re going to put anything in your mouth, you better spit on it first.