BEGO Funny Status Messages

   People say I’m sarcastic but I’m just investigating the effects of irony on morons.

   Lazy Rules #1:The farther away the remote is, the more you like what's already on TV.

   Facebook says we're 'friends' ,but trust me, I wouldn't hesitate to kick you in the teeth.

   Sometimes I wish I could be one of my friends for 1 day, to see how it is to hang out with me..

   The speed at which I can prepare food during a commercial break is amazing

   Since the damn world is ending in 2012, I've decided to buy everything at places with a "Don't pay until 2013" plan.

   Talk used to be cheap...then someone invented cell phones.

   The hardest thing in life is letting go of what you thought was real.

   Pretty sure I could make an entire meal with the crumbs in my keyboard.

   Facebook is the leading cause to cell phone battery deaths.

   My shower only has two options: 3rd degree burns or skinny dipping in Antarctica.

   I received a string of blank texts from an unknown number. When I asked who it was, I got a list of every place I've been over the last three days. I'm scared to leave the house.

   Be your own best friend. Everyone will be jealous.

   Sometimes relationships last longer when facebook doesn't know about them.

   I tell people to have a great weekend at noon on Mondays hoping they won't talk to me for the rest of the week.

   When God was throwing intelligence down to the Earth, you were holding an umbrella.

   I can't even imagine what people did at red lights before cellphones.

   Hard work never killed anybody, but it does keep you off Facebook

   It's Friday night... So many innocent beers have no idea what's coming for 'em.

   Sometimes, you have to realize that some people can stay in your heart, but not in your life.