Baddie Funny Status Messages

   Sorry, ladies, but if he has a 4" d*ck, he'll never really be that into you.

   Ugh my girlfriend is taking forever to exist!

   It’s a good thing cows can’t talk. Imagine them telling you at every available opportunity that they are vegans.

   I just told a girl I loved her. Well, I didn't actually say it. And it wasn't actually a girl. Ok, fine, I was eating a Pizza and moaned a little.

   Women always say they can do whatever a man can do. I bet they can't tuck their balls between their legs.

   Oh I get it. Winnie the Pooh Bear can climb a tree with no pants, but when I have a few drinks and do it, people start freaking out.

   Just saw my friend in a g ay p orn o... His secret has never been safer.

   A violent outburst like that can only mean one thing...Jay-Z pushed all the floor buttons at one time.

   It sad how some losers are giving us a minute-by-minute update on Kanye & Kim wedding. If you were that important to them I am sure they would have sent you an invite.

   My condoms are expiring soon... Ladies

   Sorry I photobombed your selfie, but I needed an alibi.

   This man needs to change. I'll whine and moan at him until he does. That'll work - Women

   I like woman who are mentally stable and sexually unstable.

   No matter how useless you feel, take pleasure in the fact that you're someone's reason to masturbate.

   Why do fat people say they have to start eating right? They've obviously mastered the art of chewing and swallowing.

   If your dog weighs less than 10lbs, it's technically a cat

   Still trying to figure out how that guy with a neck tattoo in that p orn I watched earlier got employed at a law firm.

   I asked my wife if anything was wrong and she said "yes" and I'm completely lost, I've never played the game like this before.

   I'm lonely, but not 'talk to people' lonely.

   I was going to LIKE and compliment your FB pic, but I'm not a good liar.