andrew jackson Funny Status Messages

   If John Cusack ever said I did something I didn't do, I'd say "Take it easy, John Accusack!" and then I'd saunter off.

   Just read 'Everybody Poops' but I'm still skeptical.

   I got kicked out of the supermarket for comparing apples and oranges. Manager said "you can't do that cause it would be like co..forget it."

   Some guy just asked me for the time like it's freakin 1993. "Hold tight good fellow, allow me to fetch my timepiece from my pantaloons."

   There'll be parties for hosting, marshmallows for toasting, and Sally out in the snow. Come on, guys, let Sally back inside.

   Doctors only gave me three more months to live la vida loca

   A sandwich should be grilled until inside is warm & bread starts to crisp. Not until inside is nuclear & bread becomes a turtle shell.

   My brain must think sleep= death... every time I try to fall asleep, my life flashes before my eyes. Well, the embarrassing bits, anyways.

   Just found out the Dukes of Hazzard weren't really royalty it was just the last name they lied! Hollywood is a liar!

   If news about a movie being made upsets you, why not work out your anger by getting out your oils and painting a masterpiece.

   Breaking News. A woman finds something that she disagrees with. Does not take to social media in an ear splitting snit about it.