SuthernFukr Funny Status Messages

   My car doubles in value when I fill my gas tank up.

   Whenever you feel like a genius, remember there was a time in your life when you were learning to not crap your pants.

   Once it has been crushed completely, you will find that your spirit is much easier to snort.

   I haven't had secks in so long, I've even forgotten how to spell it.

   A 5-year-old is really just an alarm clock without a snooze button.

   The best thing about alcohol hand gel in hospitals isn't the hygiene, but that everyone walks around like they're hatching a dastardly plan.

   Nobody ever wants to give BiPolar people credit for being really great half the time.

   Do you think they will have an end of the world sale?

   You're only young once. If you act like an idiot after that, you're gonna need a new excuse.

   The only thing I don't like about my job is that it doesn't involve wearing a whistle around my neck at all times.

   In a movie, if there is big fish tank and someone has a gun, you can bet they're gonna shoot that fish tank and it's gonna be great.

   When you grow up you get better gifts for being naughty.

   "Strike while the iron is hot" is pretty violent advice, but I guess if I'm hitting someone with an iron it might as well be hot.

   "Nobody panics when things go according to plan. Even if the plan is horrifying." - The Joker

   It's hard to be intimidating when your boots keep making fart sounds when you walk.

   Your clothes are making me extremely uncomfortable. Please, take them off.

   Insomnia causes questionable browser history.

   They say you never forget your first love and it's true, there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about beer.

   Mitt Romney proposed to bet with Rick Perry for $10,000. Or as its known in Republican circles, pocket change. Or 2 ½ hookers.

   All you need is a sick mind and a healthy body.