LEMONPILLOW Funny Status Messages

   n't it annoying when you accidentally drop something like a bread crumb into your keyboard and you have to get ighhghghghghhghghbhbhghgbhbhbggggggggggggh

   I don't know about you, but I'm sick of seeing disabled people being pushed around...

   ..sold her tv and bought a dvd player. Bargain! Oh..wait..

   Yo mamma so fat that when she lays on the beach, Green Peace try to push her back into the water.

   Some call it stalking. I call it love.

   Lying about my age is easier now that I sometimes forget what it is.

   What is it with Facebook games like Mafia and Farmville. I guess people need to balance their murder and violence with beets and little lost sheep.

   An optimist laughs to forget, a pessimist forgets to laugh.

   A foolish man tells a woman to stop talking. A wise man tells her that her mouth is extremely beautiful when her lips are closed.

   forgot to buy candy for the kids this Halloween but will offer them a bite of her sandwich.

   "GATES PLEDGES $10 BILLION FOR VACCINES." Hope it's to fight viruses in windows.

   Explosion at a pie factory in Huddersfield. 3.14159265 dead.

   why does a woman have two sets of lips? One to argue with the other to apologize.

   When I say I drive like lightning,it's not because I drive fast. It's because I hit a lot of trees.

   ..doesn't go looking for trouble. She knows exactly where to find it!

   I've figured out how to avoid getting parking tickets;I've taken the windscreen wipers off my car.

   Dilemma: Do I wash all my dishes or should I eat my cornflakes in a cup with a knife?

   ..if people say they're "as honest as the day is long" does that mean they become less truthful in the winter?

   Naomi Campbell should take up golf because she's really good at hitting the driver.

   The spaces between your fingers were created so that another's could fill them in.