Czovczov Funny Status Messages

   The sexual tension was so thick you could cut it with a phone call from the wife.

   The only thing that's clear to me right now is Vodka.

   I'm at my most popular when I just want to be alone.

   Being funny is so much hotter than being hot.

   Kim Kardashian's fragrance smells like daddy issues.

   Dating tip: Never let your girlfriend know you’re good at something you hate doing.

   I put a Justin Bieber's song as my alarm tone and it works wonders cuz I wake up before it goes off so I don't have to listen to that sh*t.

   I enjoy people who actively participate in my insanity.

   Keep your woman close and your cell phone closer!

   There’s a limit of how close you should be to another man when taking a selfie.

   Nothing worse than getting drunk and slipping and falling into a relationship.

   I never forget a breast, I mean face. I never forget a face.

   I asked my wife for advice once. Worst three days of my life.

   People are so rude to each other nowadays, that when one is nice and polite, it's considered a marriage proposal.

   For a rock only found in a planet that was destroyed, Superman must wonder where all his enemies keep finding kryptonite

   Dance like its back in 1999 when no one had a camera phone.

   You can't trust anybody with the remote control these days

   I just turned on the news and they said "The Occupiers are trying to figure out where to go to next." How about a job interview?

   On the bright side, my coffee will never get cold in hell.

   Running away does not help you with your problems, unless you are fat.