SuthernFukr Funny Status Messages

   "Going commando" can refer to not wearing underpants, rescuing Alyssa Milano from terrorists, or preferably both at once.

   Art imitates life. Imitation is the highest form of flattery. Flattery will get you nowhere. So GOOD LUCK WITH THAT ART DEGREE!

   No clue when this weed I found in my bathroom drawer is from, but based on these intense cravings for an Orange Julius, I'd say 1988 or so.

   Baby strollers these days are getting out of hand. You're walking a baby. Not taking it 4x4ing through a gladiator pit on a far off planet.

   Technically all breakfasts are continental, unless you eat them in the ocean.

   If tomatoes are classed as a fruit, then doesnt that mean that ketchup is technically a smoothie?

   Here's something you'll never hear, "Oh cool, you have a pink lighter."

   Forrest Gump taught us a strange life lesson: Be completely unaware of all success you've achieved and you'll own 50% of a billion dollar shrimpin' company.

   The best thing about the internet: It's available to everyone. The worst thing about the internet: - It's available to everyone.

   Dear Fruity Pebbles: Calorie content w/out milk is unnecessary. Anyone shoving dry Fruity Pebbles down their throat isn't counting calories.

   Destroying all of this evidence would go a lot faster if I could shoot lasers from my eyes!

   Well, I see no one turned up for first day of ninja school… or did they?

   Remember that there's always someone cooler, smarter, stronger or sexier than you. That would be me.

   Sometimes I meow back at cats.

   Suicide is only illegal because dead people can't pay taxes.

   Shouldn't a "landing strip" actually be NO hair in the middle with hair to the sides?

   Once you get to be older, "friends with benefits" just means your partner has a solid 401k and a kick a$$ dental plan.

   Swimming is not a sport. Swimming is a way to keep from drowning. George Carlin

   Monotony is my favorite bored game.

   These animal crackers are crap, this elephant tastes exactly like that giraffe did.