LEMONPILLOW Funny Status Messages

   There's a time and place for everything. It's called college.

   Doctors tell us there are over seven million people who are overweight. These, of course, are only round figures.

   May your troubles last as long as your New Years Resolutions!

   I smile because I don't know what's going on.

   The reason I watch crime documentaries on drug smugglers is to look for new ways to sneak a bag of Doritos into the house.

   Why do repairmen never have the part they need to fix something and say they'll come back in a few days when they get it? It's like a cop showing up to arrest someone and saying "Oh sorry. Looks like I'll need handcuffs. I'll be back in few days with them

   The FDA says that airline food is often prepared in unsafe and unsanitary conditions. Otherwise known as "airplanes".

   Coke dealers. Always sticking their business in other people's noses.

   Apparently each year, more people get killed by donkeys than in aeroplane crashes.So to summarize, if you ever see a donkey on an aeroplane, you're in f*cking trouble.

   ..can't wait for a nice English summer. The warmth,the sun,the clear blue skies..it will be a nice couple of days...

   Copywight 2010 Elmer Fudd. All wights wesewved.

   it fair to say that there'd be less litter in the world if blind people were given pointed sticks?

   Womens football. If it isn't raining I'm just not interested.

   Ex-president Bush blamed BP for the disaster off the coast of Louisiana. Later he recanted saying "He thought BP stood for Black President."

   I've been thinking... If poison goes out of date, does it become more or less deadly?

   As long as there are tests,there will always be public prayers in schools.

   I Wish 2010 Brings You 12 Months of Happiness,52 Weeks of Fun,365 Days of Success,8760 Hours of Good Health, 52600 Minutes of Good Luck and 3153600 Seconds of Joy!

   Sometimes "dressing for the job you want" is referred to as "impersonating an officer".

   I'm sorry,Mr. Wasp,but I had to kill you. You're too stupid to see my kitchen window and kept smacking into it. And too stupid to see me trying to help you. Stupidity isn't acceptable in my household. You had to go.

   ..it's so cold that Britney Spears made sure she was wearing underwear before she went out.