Aaron Funny Status Messages

   found a squirrel trapped in a birdfeeder and can't help but feel like I should leave it in there a few hours to think about what he has done

   When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?

   I started drying my hands with a wall mounted hand dryer back in 1998 and I think they're almost dry.

   Just picked some lettuce out a sandwich and then added a cheese slice. If anyone wants the recipe, let me know.

   In the movie of life, I'd probably be credited as "Bar Guy #3".

   I'll vacuum over something a hundred times before I pick it up and place it back down and try again.

   Yes, I'm aware I can't fly, but that doesn't mean I'm not going to try if my chute doesn't open.

   Life is too short to remove the USB safely.

   Farmer plows the field. Farmer doesn't even stay for breakfast, stops returning the field's calls.

   I'm really lucky that I was born on my birthday.

   Multiply that by infinity & take it 2 the depths of forever & then you will have some vague idea what I'm talkin about...

   A good way to keep a secret from me is to leave it on my voicemail

   For many people, "live and learn" is one task too many.

   I like how flies rub their hands together like tiny criminals

   Would you rather be a ginormous hampster or a tiny rhinocerous?

   I've changed my mind a dozen times. It seems to work better now.

   I think my yogurt went bad. I just saw it in the parking lot leaning against a Camaro & smoking a cigarette.

   We celebrate Labor Day by not working. Which is kind of like celebrating Arbor Day by paving the backyard.

   I like to wear a parachute on airplanes and act smug during turbulence.

   "Sorry I brought that up." - Bulimics