huck Funny Status Messages

   Huck this is an intervention "ok to who's wedding" no thats an invitation "aliens?!" thats an invasion "how--" HUCK YOU NEED TO GET A DICTIONARY

   Daylight Savings is a German idea, circa 1895. I guess the world figured, "None of Germany's other Ideas has turned out bad, so why not?"

   We're told constantly to follow our dreams. Well, my dream is to thwart every single other human's dream.

   You know what they say. So I guess I don’t have to tell you.

   I'm not saying I believe in the zombie apocalypse. I'm just saying Walmart.

   EMINEM: My symptoms: palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy, and I threw up Mom's spaghetti WEB MD: you have cancer

   My ideal job is probably just singing the "Not this time" part in that En Vogue song "My Lovin' (You're Never Gonna Get It)".

   "I have your test results," said the doctor. "There's no easy way to tell you this; you are cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs."

   How many more of these body wraps do I have to eat before I start losing inches?

   Confuse people who bring hotel breakfast to you in bed by exclaiming, "You shouldn't have! Did the children help?"

   Please support our non-profit organization for terminally I'll witnesses and informers, Snitches Get Wishes.

   I had to take a lie detector test at a job interview once. No I didn't.

   Fun thing to do # 58: 1. Stand outside restaurant. 2. Wait for someone to ask if you're the valet. 3. Say yes.

   Picture a fox. Wrong. They are smaller than that.

   Cats are so disgusting it makes them puke.

   I wish I was in a gang, I never know what to do with my hands when taking pictures.

   "Where is it? Oh there it is. Where'd it go? I can't see it. Is that the puck? Oh there it is...wait, lost it again." - me, watching hockey

   I wear my heart on my sleeve. I wear my spleen on my pant leg. And my liver adds a certain flair to my belt.

   In the jungle, the mighty jungle, the lion is like what the heck am I doing here i'm a savannah animal

   I would put a webcam in my shower to make extra money, but I would hate having to only sing public domain songs.