BEGO Funny Status Messages

   Cheated on Facebook with my real life today.

   Alcohol – The best night time: slurring, headache, dehydration, drink spilling, charm killing, so you think you can dance “medicine.”

   The annoying moment when the TV commercials are so long that you forget what you're watching.

   The best way to make people remember you? Borrow money from them

   Relationships are like garage sales: At a distance it looks like it could be interesting...up close it's just a ton s$it you don't need!

   Sometimes, when two people love each other very much, they get married and ruin everything.

   Whenever somebody calls me ugly, I get super sad and hug them because I know how hard life is for the visually impaired.

   Stop asking why I’m still single. I don’t ask how you’re still married.

   Sometimes “I'm single” means “I'm drama free”, “less stressed” and “I refuse to settle for less.”

   A true friend thinks you're a good egg even though you're slightly cracked.

   When I drop my phone, I act like I've dropped a new born baby.

   Life is like a can of whipped cream.....you have to shake things up a little before you get anything out of it.

   Shouldn't you have to pass a urine test to collect a welfare check, since I have to pass one to earn it for you?

   The perfect woman: 1. Beautiful but doesn't let it get to her head. 2. Intelligent without needing to prove it. 3. Funny as hell.

   Why give second chances when there are people waiting for their first?

   [ ] Democratic party [ ] Republican party [x] Pizza party

   Why do they try to make pet food in TV commercials look good to humans?

   Just Unfriended a Facebook Friend on their Birthday… that takes TRUE GRIT!

   Facebook blocked at work. 2012 has come much earlier than anticipated.

   Did you know? Line dancing was started by women waiting to use the bathroom.