jitney Funny Status Messages

   Feeling sad is better than not feeling at all. unless you into your feelings....

   I miss being the age when I thought I would have my shyt together by the time I was the age I am now!

   You know when you rearrange "Mother -In-Law" in any language you still get "Women Hitler!"......Got a PuertoRican-Haitian Hitler to deal with

   What did one Party fish say to the another party fish....."This Carnival is stinking up the sea"

   Oh so you wanna loose weight, by eating healthy........then why your healthy food weighs more than the cheap stuff?

   No thanks on the street corner baskets for Valentines Day. Just put those $10 on a chipotle card.

   "Knock knock", "who's there?", "Weekend", "Weekend who?", "We can wish it was the weekend, but its MOnday!"

   Since it was on of the most popular apps download and played in 2013.......Anyone knows when Candy Crush is sending us our W-2's???

   You ever let one loose and it was too late? I just farted and didnt see the midget standing next to me.....

   I made my bed, I've failed countless of times by not taking any seats. But I will surely get out my bed every morning and try again, cuz failing is a stepping stone to success. Failure, is not falling down of the bed; but remaining where you have fallen.

   Columbia is going to invade phillipians......um did I spell that right? After watching the Pageant ...Im confused also

   I'm getting suspicious about my doctor, I think he's trying to turn me into MJ or Whitney on the slide......

   "I think I can get you a dollar....You gotta be quicker than that" - Geico Fisherman Guy Commercial

   Its trash pick up day tomorrow and my dumb neighbor forgot to take out my mother-n-law!!!! Now i've gotta dump trash all over his yard again!

   During drought season, I consider a paper bag, and good make up for ugly chicks to wear in bed

   that moment when This morning I had call 911 on the truck with the flashing lights in behind me that passed me....turns out it wasnt a cop on the phone, its was the dispatcher.