santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   Last year I won a $50 gift card to Chili's at a Christmas raffle. ...... This year I've decided my Secret Santa gift is going to be a $14.37 gift card to Chili's.

   A touching letter by a little girl to Santa on Christmas: Dear Santa, Please give clothes to all those poor ladies in daddy's laptop

   I was Christmas shopping for a friend's daughter... I asked what she was into and he said "anything Frozen" So, I got her a bag of peas and some pizza rolls.

   PUBLIC CHRISTMAS SAFETY ANNOUNCEMENT: .... Always remember, If you got a big-screen TV for Christmas, be sure to put the empty box out with your neighbor's trash. That way, their house will get robbed instead of yours.

   Christmas decorations should come with coupons for couples counseling.

   My children want a cat for Christmas ... Normally I do a turkey but hey, if it can make them happy!

   An easy way to tell people you don't like them is to send them a Xmas card with glitter on it.

   Good news for insomniacs! Only 2 more sleeps to Christmas!

   The least knobby dot, the least knobby dot, the least knobby dot for annual quantum police thee dot… or whatever that Spanish Christmas song is saying.

   You've already put up your Christmas tree? That's nothing. I'm already drunk for St. Patrick's Day.

   I don’t know who’s worse, the people who sign their cats’ names on Christmas cards, or the cats who refuse to sign.

   And suddenly the neighbors who left their Christmas lights up all year seem like geniuses.

   All I want for Christmas is you ...... Just kidding I want Money

   Just checked my bank account and it looks like everyone is getting text messages for Christmas.

   In line at Target when the woman behind be says to her kid "If you don't stop fussing I'm gonna make you spend christmas with this man" and then points at me causing him to cry harder

   Bad part about being a bomb disposal technician..... It takes me 6 hours to open my Christmas presents.

   Dear Santa, All I want for Christmas is to know what rhymes with "Hug me" Love, Robin Thicke

   Cashier: do you want cash back? Me: I mean who wouldn't. There's ring of fire, I walk the line. Let's not forget his christmas album

   Don't worry about what you eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas. You should worry about what you eat between Christmas and Thanksgiving. Have a Happy Thanksgiving. :-)

   In honor of Charles Dickens I am also going to be poor this Christmas