mike Funny Status Messages

   Dennis Rodman now has more international relations experience than most of Congress. Let that sink in for a minute.

   My crash diet just crashed face first into a bacon double cheeseburger and a large order of fries.

   I can't believe Skelator sold out and is now doing commercials. Oh well, he's still a better pitchman than Michael Bolton.

   So, which Pope is your favorite going into the combine?

   So, I read today that NASCAR is getting fuel injection.... I also learned that when they hit 88 mph the new cars travel through time back to 1985, when the rest of us had fuel injection.

   pretty sure it's what Jesus would have done...

   Officer; "Sir, would you mind taking an alcohol test?" Me; "I have been testing alcohol all day so I don't see how one more test could hurt."

   Nothing is more conflicting to men than an ugly woman with a really nice a$$.

   I am a good listener, just ask my TV.

   The Orioles have been so bad for so long that MLB is now requiring them to take performance enhancing drugs

   Can't wait for my rent decrease!!!! Will it take effect as soon as the polls close, or will I have to wait until Jimmy is sworn in?

   Dear BP: Animals soaking up the oil is not a spill response plan.

   my opinion on forced birth control has changed after watching one episode of Honey Boo Boo.

   Got my umbrella taken away at gunpoint.....damn Burlington mall

   ATTENTION VEGETARIANS: If God didn't want us to eat animals, he wouldn't have made them out of meat

   100% positive that he isn't sure!

   Halo 4 comes out on election day? I hope my wife tells me who won the election....i'll be busy for the next week or so!

   ready for them to release the photo of Bin Laden. He wants to print T-shirts and mugs that say "This is the face of terrorism."

   I hope the MVP has his shots up to date. Disneyland is dangerous nowadays!

   I trained a raccoon to play dead in the front yard...Okay, I hit him with the truck but the end result is the same thing.