g0re Funny Status Messages

   "You actually have friends?" ... "Yeah, all 10 seasons on DVD!"

   You know you need sleep when you feel drunk without having actually had any alcohol.

   Life is like a bowl of soup; you only get blown if you're hot.

   It would be awesome to go back to kindergarten as a 5 year old with all the knowledge you currently have and completely dominate.

   (on facebook) Friend 1: ugh, I feel so crap I hate my life. Friend 2: aww babe whats wrong??. Friend 1: inbox? Friend 2: yeah okay. Rest of us: well f*ck you then.

   Next time I see a dead deer on the side of the road I'm going to leave and come back dressed as Santa Clause with a sign that says, "Help, need ride."

   please ignore this status, I am standing in public alone and I don't want to seem like a total loner, so I am making it look like I am textin

   Time to photoshop my life Touch up the edges, adjust the tones,blur out the background, focus on me, and crop people out...

   There are some people on facebook who don't understand the difference between 'Whats on your mind?' And I should probably see a therapist about this'

   Lazy rule number 42: If it isn't on the first page of Google, it doesn't exist.

   When you were in elementary school, looking up the word "sex" in the dictionary was like watching porn.

   It was better back when you could look under a bottle cap and see you won instantly, rather than this entering a code online thing they have now. I want to look under the cap and see "YOU WON!" instead of ED34GH....

   Saw a baby shirt that said, "Sh!t my pants, took a nap and sucked on some titties...how was your day?"

   Have you ever noticed that Velma(from Scooby-Doo) only says who the bad guy is after she pulls off their mask. And then conveniently knew it was him or her all along.

   It's a weird feeling when you can't remember if something happened in a dream or in real life.

   I like mario. he's cool. he's all like " hello, I'm maaarrio, I'm a Italian plumber created by japanese people, who speaks English and looks like a Mexican."

   Its a bit awkward when you don't realize how many curse words and sexual innuendos a song has in it until you're in the car listening to it with your parents.

   Why do prostitutes charge per hour? I mean, what are we supposed to do for the other 57 minutes?

   Im gonna laugh when the day comes when our generation is saying "You spoiled little brats! All we had in our day was Xbox's, PS3's, iphones, flat-screen tv's & laptops, you ungrateful little sh!t"

   When you're driving illegally, suddenly every car is an undercover cop.