brodieking Funny Status Messages

   No matter how old I get, I always know that I'll have to mentally sing my ABC's to know which letter comes next.

   I now know that asking "How 'bout those Packers" gets you a different response from gay men verses the straight ones.

   Judging by my news feed this week, people are outraged by the amount of recent killings AND trespassing on personal property from Pokémon GO players. Stop the madness, people!

   ♫♪♫ To the left, to the left. Laying on my side brings my nuts to the left ♫♪♫

   Dear Interwebs, You guys go nuts over a stupid dress, and now Spock is dead! This is why we can't have nice things. Stop it, K? Thx.

   One time I was in a car giving directions to a gay driver. Things got awkward when I told him to go straight.

   While I do plan on checking out Malcom X for Black History Month, I am having a real hard time finding Volumes I-IX first.

   I just read that Stevie Wonder is filing for divorce. Talk about getting blindsided!

   If Drake rapped about coming out of the closet: I started as a bottom, now I'm queer!

   Don't forget to set your clocks back 200 years before you go to bed tonight.

   Yo Hologram Tupac, I'm real happy for you and I'ma let you finish but Obi-Wan Kenobi was one of the best holograms of all time!

   it me? Or do these new iPhone 6 issues have a lot of people bent out of shape?

   I just read that Stevie Wonder is filing for divorce. I guess in the end, they just didnt share the same views!

   If I hear Jennifer Hudson sing "I am you, you are me...If you want it you got it..." Then I'm going to start expecting her Weight Watchers endorsement checks.

   Michael Bay is changing the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles into aliens?! Doesnt that make them Teenage Alien Intergalactic Ninja Turtles, then? (TAINT)

   No matter who wins, they will likely be impeached and their vice president will take over

   The only time you'll ever catch me poppin a molly is when that b1tch is talkin sh1t. #powrightinthekisser

   After seeing the aftermath of the hurricane, we should change its name from Sandy to Watery.

   No, for the last time, I do not want to build a snowman.

   I bet Stevie Wonder's wife didn't see that divorce coming...