abbybaby34 Funny Status Messages

   At work, when you don't know what to do, just walk fast and look worried.

   Life's too short to wake up in a bad mood- I save mine until I get to work.

   Whenever I don't hear from someone in a while I think, "Oh, sh$t They found out."

   I just got a text from a wrong number that said "I think my ex is stalking my friends"... so I replied back "No I'm not."

   I can no longer "drop it like it's hot", so I "squat like it's warm".

   I'm not shy. I'm just holding back my awesomeness so I don't intimidate you.

   Drinking doesn't make me post better Facebook status updates; it just makes me not care what you think of them...

   I want to make a Facebook account and the name will be "Nobody" so when I see stupid crap people post, I can "Like" it. And it will say "Nobody Likes This"

   If you can't afford to go on vacation, you can always drink until you don't know where you are!

   When did "wear something green" turn into "dress like an idiot?"

   Deleting all emails as they come in without reading them. Like a boss.

   I wish some people could actually see their personality when they look in a mirror.

   Dear Facebook: Stop being like my mom and suggesting people for me to be friends with.

   we all know "watch a movie" means "I wanna be in the dark with you"

   If I worked at a restaurant on Valentine's Day I would put a fake engagement ring in every girl's drink.

   I'm waiting till the iPad 1,473 comes out because it will fly you to the moon while you surf the internet.

   I have life moments when all I can do is stop and say "Seriously?"

   Instead of celebrating Valentine's Day this year, I'm celebrating Discount Chocolate Tuesday.

   Who would have thought that giving an actor with a history of drug addiction $2 million an episode would have turned out badly?

   If you have kids, your life is kids. If you don't, your life is going out to eat and buying electronics.