aNGELA Funny Status Messages

   Its pretty sad I have to put parental controls on Google just to get pumpkin ideas.. Do not Google anything ending with "on a broom".

   The mullet is a helmet for domestic violence.

   Random thought of the day: If someone threw a rock and knocked you off your donkey, would you be stoned off your ass?

   How awkward do you think Prince William's stag is going to be when he realizes he's stuffing pictures of his Gran into a strippers thong?

   Some of the ugliest faces in this world hide behind a 12 pack of beer

   found $20 under my bed ! my God, my room is so desperate to be cleaned, it's paying me. THE PLAN WORKED

   Dear Winter, I am breaking up with you. It's not me, it's you, you make me miserable. I think it's time I start seeing other seasons.

   I'm not fat, I'm kidnap proof

   Cut my life into pizza's, this is my plastic fork. Oven baking, heavy breathing, dont give a f**k if it's carbs that I'm eatting;)

   wonders why men never want to play with the baby, just the box it came in!

   says "Dyslexics are teople poo"

   when the roomates away, in my underwear I will stay

   Your intelligence is my common sense.

   contemplating doing a combination of christmas and easter, wrap the gifts, then hide them all over the house, voila...Christer!!!

   Thanksgiving, man! Not a good day to be my pants.

   My second favourite household chore is laundry. My first favourite is being hit in the head repeatedly by the ceiling fan blades until I faint.

   wonders “Why its called a walkie talkie, yet a vacuum isn't called a pushy sucky???”

   Solution to two of the world's problems: Feed the homeless to the hungry.

   Irony: a fat guy at walmart getting his blood pressure checked with two big bags of doritos in his other hand:D

   an apple a day keeps anyone away if you throw it hard enough