MWC Funny Status Messages

   Thinking of opening a bar right next to a gym and call it ''Decisions, Decisions''.

   Missed the winning lottery number only by 6 numbers.

   I may look like I'm doing nothing, but in my head I'm quite busy.

   Started a new exercise routine yesterday. So far I've only missed one day

   I never called you stupid dear. But when I ask you how to spell Mississippi an you ask the state or the river...it kinda caught me off guard!

   Just got a peek at Santa's naughty list! Amazingly, it's almost identical to my friends list. Can't believe some of the things you people have done!

   How many boxes of these Thin Mints do I need to eat before I start seeing results?

   I was thinking earlier, thats all, just wanted everyone to know that it does happen from time to time........

   I found out that middle age is were you finally get your head together and then your body starts falling apart

   Today's big idea - Coffee eye drops

   It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas! People are definitely getting in the holiday spirit, CRABBY, GRABBY and RUDE!

   "My Uncle Jennifer is going to be on Jerry Springer tomorrow!"

   "I wish Ted would just tell his poor kids how he met they're mother!!!"

   I'm right 98% of the time. Who cares about the other 3%?

   Odd how all the 'intelligent life finding instruments' are pointed away from earth.

   I really need a day inbetween Saturday an Sunday

   I know a lot of midget jokes, I'm afraid they will come back to bite me in the ass.

   Now who is running a MARATHON?

   Whew! Thank you warning label I was actually considering using my new floor lamp in the shower.

   I seem to be the only one in the whole house who can figure out the toilet paper and how it gets on that retracting stick