Lil-David Funny Status Messages

   Not every idiot can read........But look at you go!

   I bought a counterfeit money detector pen, You should see the expression on my dope mans face when I used it to check the change from the 8-ball...

   Memo to New Orleans: You can't turn the Superdome into a sewer this time., emergency shelter will be at the black crack neighbors house!

   The girl on the stripper pole got mad because I gave her a monopoly dollar, well fake boobs, fake hair, fake nails gets fake dollars!

   Lets not get overly excited about the government shutdown, Walmart is still open!

   I found the key to happiness, giving the wife money for bingo and giving the kids the newest PS4 game.... Beer 30!

   I taught my neighbors kid how to trick or treat online, hopefully she puts her mothers credit card back!

   If a man speaks his mind in a forest, and a woman doesn't hear him, is he still wrong?

   Have you heard about the blind hooker?.....You've gotta hand it to her!

   I made a desicion to practice celibancy,and my right hand asked if we separated....

   I wonder if, Wes Craven died in his sleep....Or did he go out with a Scream?

   Amazon is now offering Special Christmas Drone Deliveries to Pakistan!

   I wish minimum wage went up as much as the price of postage stamps...

   Name two things that will disappear if you ignore them long enough- Snow and Adolescence!

   Today Facebook was down, so I had to actually talk to my people that didn't live in my computer... I haven't done that in a few years, hope I don't get sick!

   I have a cell phone a Ipad a laptop, stop sending me reminders to turn my clocks back...it's called automatic updates!

   Lets Do The 2014 New Years Hump Today!

   I think premature male baldness should be the next race card..

   If websites had closing hours divorces, murder and pregnancy would double.

   "Hey David... Do you talk to your girlfriend while you are having sex? "Only if there's a phone handy"