Joker Funny Status Messages

   Sometimes one middle finger isn't enough, that's why we have two hands.

   My mother in-law is so ugly, even a boiling tea kettle won't give her a whistle.

   The cemeteery has raised its burial cost. They're blaming the cost of living.

   I don't rise and shine, the best I can do is get up and gripe.

   Silence is golden. Unless you have teenagers. Then it becomes suspicious.

   Never laugh at your wife's choices. You're one of them.

   When I'm grilling a stake, the smell of the juices makes my mouth water. Wonder if that happens when a vegan mows their lawn.

   Roses are red, violets are blue. If he's busy on Valentine's day, then the side chick is you.

   Politicians are like diapers. They need to be changed regularly, and for the same reason.

   Got my ancestry DNA results back. It seems I related to Adam and Eve.

   Breast are proof that men can concentrate on two things at the same time.

   I may need a helping hand with my New Year's resolution in giving up masterbating.

   They say a man's "member" can be gauged by the size of their feet. That maybe why my sister dates clowns.

   My mother inlaw standing in front of a mirror: "I feel fat and ugly." . Me to make her feel better: "Well at lease your eye sight is good."

   If a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.50 a minute.

   You can tell the sex of an ant by tossing it in some water. If it sinks, it' a girl ant. If it floats, it's buoyant.

   A good husband remembers his wife's birthday, but not her age.

   My mother never saw the iorny in calling me a s.o.b.

   The best part of Valentine's day, is the next days 50% off sale on the box chocolate candy.

   All this beer drinking I do gives me a hangover. It's really noticeable when I stand sideways.