Jitney Funny Status Messages

   Great Thanks to these doushbags, now I gotta get a background check for a pressure cooker at Sears......

   Please do not start naming your future newborn "blue Ivy", yellow mustard, dark orchid, pastel white, purple rain, orange caramel or anything that don't make sense; we already hav ppl named after cars(Mercedes, Infinite, Camry, Alexis).

   In honor of Dr. Martin Luther King I will be marching 12 miles to work today in the middle of the street....

   I've Realized Something Today.. No Matter How Hard You Try To Plan Your Life.. Life Has A Plan For You All On Its Own..

   DonaldTrump is doing one mean Alec Baldwin impression tonight.

   Its that time of the year where the work office decides to do secret santa again and this time its under $25....I'm getting my co-worker a pack tooth brush with about $30 worth of tooth paste!

   Please stop inviting me to play CANDY CRUSH I'm type 2 Diabetic & I'm watching my sugar!!!

   Dearly beloved God, I wanna take a minute, not to ask for anything from you. But simply to say thank you, for all I have.

   would've gotten away with it too if it wasn't for you meddling kids.

   If this aint the most ghetto-est NFL Superbowl ever.....

   You ever look at someone and daydream about them in the most erotic way....yeah that was me today dreaming about my female co-worker shutting the eff up and fixing me a sandwich to eat......

   I hate it when the people who owe me money post about how much they got back from the IRS..............

   I hate when people asks me: What happened to the sweet old you? Well B**chhhes like you killed it!!

   Well, If this was 1999, would you have ever thought 13 years from now you could sit on the toilet while updating your facebook status about the End of the world again??? I wonder what will be doing 13yrs in the future from now.......

   If facebook gets shutdown will Tom send me my password from Myspace back?

   I don't have time to babysit ppl's feelings. Speak up. How I'm suppose to know what's wrong with you?

   I hear a bunch of weird animals, beeps, and clicking. Wish me luck people, I'm going into walmart......

   If I win the Power Ball, I will buy two lbs of cheese from Whole Food.

   When girls flash its called, "girls gone wild" when men flash its call..."America's most wanted" or Pedofiliers/Stalkers

   if you didn't hear it with your own ears or see it with you own eyes. Don't invent it with your small mind, and share it with your big mouth.