Geez Funny Status Messages

   hey girls! if you're boyfriend sparkles and doesn't want to have sex with you, he's not a vampire. He's gay!

   Eyjafjallajokull is more like a baby typing on a computer than a volcano!

   I don't really care where you put it, as long as you don't make me hold it!!!

   My apartment is where weird foreigners go to have a loud conversation right outside of...

   Censored Snoop Doggy Dogg songs on the radio sound like two AT&T customers having a conversation on the phone.

   Tiger Woods is doing so well at the Master's, you might think he was cheating!

   Mondays! Pro: Start of a fresh new week! Con: It's still Monday!

   To sum up: yes, I cried like a baby during Toy Story 3, even more than I did at the end of The Human Centipede.

   World Cup Finals... Its Heineken vs. Sangria. screw it, lets get drunk!

   Do you ever look at girls' pictures on facebook and feel them up with your cursor??? --uhhh, either do i!

   The economy is so bad that I ordered a Big Mac at McDonald's, and the kid behind the counter asked, "Can you afford fries with that?"

   I stood in front of a mirror for 10 minutes to watch myself blink... I missed it everytime!

   Shaq maybe retiring, but his movies will live on forever (in the bargain bin at Wal-Mart).

   If I ever saw an amputee getting hanged... I would just start yelling out letters!

   So Lebron is going to take mental notes on everyone who's been taking shots at him this summer... I mean, if it was actual notes, with like a pen and paper, I might be scared! but since it's mental notes... nothing to worry about!

   I can't afford the shakeweight, but I wish there was another activity that I can apply the principles to...

   My mom used to say that I'm wasting my life playing all these video games... thats ok, I still have more lives!

   whats everybody worried about with Gilbert Arenas...its not like he can shoot anymore!

   I never realized how many people I hate until I got on facebook...

   I just ordered a cup of coffee from a BP gas stations and the attendant spilled it... why am I not surprised!