Dani Funny Status Messages

   When you have an enemy mad at you...they will break your bones. But if you have a friend mad at you.... they will break your heart!!

   Grandma learned that 50 Shades of Grey... was not a book about hair colour!

   What makes you laugh... might surely make someone else laugh. And with laughter... comes smiles... and with smiles... comes happiness! It can be that simple!

   Watch what you say to me today... because it will be recorded and played back for you tomorrow!

   I may be driving slowly... but I am still ahead of you!!!

   The voices in my head thought it was funny... so what's your problem? Oh wait... you might be missing the best part... A sense of humor!!

   If I ever had enough money... I would start up my own towing company... and call it "Camel Towing"!

   My mind works like lightning. One brilliant flash... and it is gone!

   He told me he doesn't have a beer gut...but it is just a protective covering for his rock hard abs!!

   The harder you fall..... the higher you bounce!!

   Make somebody happy today... mind your own business!!!

   Never mess up an apology with an excuse!

   I think less people would tempted to use an "Out of Order" Toilet... if the sign actually read... "Ain't Takin' NO Sh*t"!

   If you ever need anything... call someone else first. If they aren't able to help you... then try calling someone else!

   My favorite mythical creature is the Honest Politician!!

   Yeah... I may be old... But I'm still hot..... They just come in flashes now!

   I'm thinking of going on an alcohol diet.... As I need to lose a few days!

   Ladies... When they say it's all downhill after 40... Just know.... They're talking about gravity!

   i went and refilled my prescription for my antidepressants... Because Happy Meals just don't seem to work for me!

   Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you!