BigEdUSW Funny Status Messages

   Why all the smack talk? It was a great game on both sides, but say that Canada owned USA is incorrect. USA won the first game and Canada had to OT to win the gold. No ownage, just great play when it mattered. Congrats to Canada, be proud not typical.

   Given the choice between Parkinsons and Alzheimers, I would prefer Parkinsons. I would rather spill a little beer rather than forget where I put it.

   The secrets of staying young is to live honestly, eat healthy, and exercise or simply lie like hell about your age.

   I think this new diet may be a little too strick. I actually look forward to paying bills because I get to lick the envelopes.

   If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible.

   I predict that if, by 21 December 2012, the world doesn't end, there will be a huge baby boom in September 2013.

   Little known fact of the day: The tooth-brush was invented in Eastern Kentucky. My guess is, if it was invented any where else, it would have be called a teeth-brush.

   I openly admit to looking at your profile. Now, please stop with all the news feed spamming app invites.

   Getting older sucks, I used to wake up feeling like a million bucks, but now its more like a bounced check.

   The only reason Rihanna repeats everything in her songs is so noone will notice if the record skips during a concert like Milli Vanilli.

   Can you imagine all the wierd stuff that would going on in the world if everyone who was "following their dreams," did so after one of those late night spicy pizza dreams?

   When a tree falls in the forest and no one is there, does it make a sound?... When blondes have more fun do they know it? Just a couple of life's riddles that beg for an answer.

   Do you realize that in about 40-50 years, nursing homes will be filled with old ladies with tramp stamps over their butts? I don't want to even think about the piercings.

   Joke of the day: Two old women were sitting in church. One leans over to her friend and said, "My butt is asleep." Her friend replied, "I know, I've heard it snore three times already."

   Facebook message inbox:"Wwo! Is htat raelly you in htis ivdeo?".... Yeah, that link looks safe, it was obviously sent by one of my dear friends, let me click it and check it out, no way it's a spamming virus...... Idiots.

   There are many benefits of being fat over being skinny. Take Buddha, for instance, he was too heavy to be put on a cross, so they told him to just sit there, quietly.

   Thinking about starting a new diet, it's called the "Sight Unseen Diet." If no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.

   If I ever were to become a scientist, I think my first area of research would be to try to prove my theory that there is a direct correlation between stuttering and 3rd trimester vibrator use.

   Some people like to "cuddle," some prefer to "spoon," I rather "spork" ..... think about it, it will come to you.

   So, ladies..... when you don't feel like using the "Shakeweight," do you tell yourself you have a headache?