LEMONPILLOW Funny Status Messages

   If you are ever wondering who is rapping in a song, just wait 4 more seconds and he'll say his name.

   There was a near tragedy at my local shopping centre recently. A power cut left four blondes stranded on an escalator for almost five hours.

   Don't knock the weather. If it didn't change once in awhile,nine out of ten people would have nothing to talk about.

   Love may not make the world spin around but it certainly makes alot of people dizzy.

   I like to go up to people playing Solitaire and ask "Who's winning?"

   I'm looking forward to seeing my life flash before my eyes when I die. If only to know what I did in the 90s.

   Escalators never break down, they just turn into stairs

   Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team? Because those that can run,jump and swim are already in the U.S.

   Recently, my Visa card was stolen. Now, it's 'everywhere I want to be'.

   I hate it when I run out of Staples. And so do their security guards.

   Whoever said talk is cheap hasn't seen my phone bill.

   If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

   Cheer up Prince Charles! They only vandalised your car with a bit of white paint. It's not like they deliberately chased your car into a tunnel during the night and murdered you.

   Woke up this morning, looked down and one of my toes was missing, There was a note stuck to my foot that said 'Gone To Market'

   NASCAR Driver Education: "Turn left. Turn left. Turn left. Turn left. Repeat."

   at Ground Zero instead of a mosque they should construct a couple of tall buildings for global trade and commerce. They should be called something like the World Trade Center

   I just said hey to Sarah Jessica Parker and she got really excited. She must have thought I meant hay.

   If you want to make your dreams come true, the first thing you have to do is wake up.

   The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.

   I had the right to remain silent...but I didn't have the ability.