life Funny Status Messages

   Don't let your Facebook balls get your real life teeth knocked out.

   Remember: You can't have a mid-life crisis if your entire life is a crisis.

   In 3,025 years, life will either be really good or really bad. It's 5050.

   I don't know what I'd do without Instagram there to show me unrealistic photos of women I never see in day to day life.

   I am positive that there isn't life on any other planets ! If there was Trudeau would have sent them money

   Life is like peeing up a drain pipe, it all comes back to you.

   My eight-year-old just asked me if Bingo was the name of the farmer or the dog. Now I am questioning everything I thought I knew about life.

   I helped my neighbor out with something this morning and she said to me, "I could marry you". I couldn't believe it... You do something nice for someone and they threaten to ruin your life in return.

   I read somewhere that being sarcastic on a daily basis can add up to three years to your life. If that's true, I'm gonna live forever.

   I saw a bumper sticker that said "May life treat you the way you treat your dog" I hope no one puts me on a leash and makes me poop outside.

   I need a scary movie that's gonna make me paranoid for the rest of my life.

   Don't judge me by my Facebook posts. I'm much worse in real life because there's no community standards.

   I'm mad about how fast my life went from MySpace to MyChart.

   If I blocked you on social media and you see me in the streets, the block still applies in real life.

   Let's face it, your life's probably not all that exciting if you're looking at your phone all the time updating how exciting it is.

   Life is not fair. But it's not fair for everybody. So really it IS fair.

   Just once in my life, I'd actually like to see a liar's pants catch on fire.

   Life hack: Rent the same type of car that you own and switch the tires. Best $39.95 I ever spent.

   Should I be suspicious if my wife sends me to pick up something she bought on Craig’s List just a week after we updated our life insurance?

   He doesn't know how to drive. He doesn't know how to pump gas. He doesn't know how to buy groceries. He doesn't know how to use a computer. He's lived in a gold, chauffeured bubble his entire life. And so many of you think he's great LMFAO