life Funny Status Messages

   Only people who buy Corvettes are 40 year olds fearing mid life and his wifes social disabilities. Buy a real car.

   If you're feeling down becausecoffee your dating life, just remember, Matt Gaetz didn't have a high-school date until he was 38-years old.

   When ur wife keeps her head on ur chest N slowly asks, "Dear, do you have any women in ur life other than me"? Remember ur answer is not important at this time, what is important is ur heartbeat. Keep calm n breathe easy. It's A biometic test

   Life is a constant balancing act between wondering why you weren’t invited to something and wondering how to get out of it.

   Life tip: if someone comes out of a bathroom sweating, do not go in that bathroom.

   Don't trust real doctors? You think their purpose in life is to fool the whole world? Then ask your local feed store if Ivenmectin is right for you.

   My parents were very inspirational, they used to say: “You can do whatever you want in life, as long as you don’t do it here.”

   I want my 72 hours of my life back that I wasted on Mike Lindell' ridiculous symposium.

   "Your Only Fools and Horses addiction is ruining my life," shouted my wife, "I want you out of this house right now!""Ok," I replied, "I'll fetch the suitcase from the van."

   Saying "I fell in love with a dictator" is something I will never say in my life.

   The best part about being over 50 is discovering all the new regions of your body that can support hair life.

   You know All my life I’ve wanted to learn to juggle. I just never had the balls to do it.

   Switching off my mother inlaw's life support machine was very difficult. I had to fight off a doctor, a nurse and two security guards. Beeeeeeeep

   Live life on your own terms. I certainly do. The terms were 0% down and a dollar a month in perpetuity. I'm only hoping I have some perp left in my tuity.

   Life lesson: If you run out of Vicks vapor rub, never place IcyHot in your nose in place of it or it will make you scream in pain. #thingsthatmakeyouscreaminpain

   geta Life opinions can be hilarious. Like thinking yours is going to stop us.

   Wearing a sweater that's not fully dry; why don't you tell me how your morning's going so I can feel better about my life choices.

   Damn girl, are we in a bad western? 'Cause I wanna have an hour long showdown with you that would only take 5 minutes in real life.

   How do you get high on life? That would save me a ton of money on street drugs. Answer: intelligence, 'independency', and a good luck accompanying with lots of money!

   Life is like an ice-cream - enjoy it before it melts.