life Funny Status Messages

   I know one day my life may be changed by the man who spends his nights spray painting "Jesus Saves Repent" signs on plywood and places them on the Interstate.

   Has anyone ever encountered a semi-stranger barefaced freeloader in their life?

   Some friends I would trust with my life, others I wouldn't trust with my drink and the rest I would be mad to trust with my girlfriend.

   never on schedule because I don't live my life by the times others sets.

   The secret to life for me plain and simple...is to not die.

   Don't you hate it when Ur girl or wife ask you life questions while you watching a important game # biiioootch ask Steve Harvey

   Life is too short so don't dance with fat girls

   My wife asked me with loving eyes, "What did I do to deserve you?" I responded, "I'm guessing something horrible in a past life!"

   I taught myself how to drive by playing GTA San Andreas! THUG LIFE

   NOTE TO SELF: Don't forget to NOT to discuss your personal life on FB. And pick up rash cream..........

   You just read this sentence while I ramble on wasting your short life for no reason at all.

   Some of the most anxious times in my life has been the time it takes a dropped knife to hit the floor instead of lopping off one my toes.

   Life is like a high tide....But no matter how low or high the tide is, we gotta keep on surfing. The tide is high and I'm moving on!!

   Adele wrote the last chapter in my life. I believe I will have Katy Perry write the next !

   I am so happy with my life I want to go out and punch someone in the face to celebrate.

   Life is like a sewer... what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.

   when life hands you lemons, through it back at live and say hey I asked for limes

   I saved a life today.... I asked a beggar, "How would you feel if I gave you 10,000 in cash?" He replied," I would die of happiness!" So I didn't give him any money I saved a life

   Unless you're trying to change someones life for the better, you have no reason to try to be in their business

   GREAT!! now everytime I see someone on tv trying to save someone elses life. all I'm gonna hear in my head is "Staying Alive"