Huck Funny Status Messages

   No, but I do kiss YOUR mother with this mouth.

   Sitting at a crossroad, strange I don't see Bones, Thug or Harmony

   I bet if my favorite rock stars saw how hard I rock out & jam to their music they would say "I want to hang out with that dude forever."

   Saw a guy wearing a backwards, upside down visor. I assume he DOESN'T want to block sun but DOES want to collect rain.

   Just found out Bob Ross was once a military sergeant and now I'm picturing him yelling LOOK AT ALL THOSE HAPPY LITTLE TREES, MAGGOT

   When Life gives you lemons, consider purchasing a different cereal.

   I just spelled "diarrhea" correctly on my first try! I'd be more happy about this if it wasn't for all this diarrhea.

   My extra sensitive toothpaste doesn’t like it when I use other toothpastes.

   This space heater can barely warm a room, there's no way it's going to heat a universe.

   So if oil is made from decomposed dinosaurs, and plastic is made from oil...then plastic dinosaurs are made from REAL dinosaurs?

   You can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear. You can, however, make a pretty decent ham wallet.

   I wonder if when Ice Cube was in NWA he thought one day he'd play a cop in light hearted comedy

   The only advantage to wearing glasses is that you can do a dramatic removal

   People who live in glass houses must really hate birds.

   I love eavesdropping on people's private conversations. Always hoping I hear something that leads to me foiling a terrorist plot.

   I don't think I could ever stab someone... I mean lets be honest. I can barely get the straw through a Capri Sun

   I wish my grade school teachers could see how much better I've gotten at hardcore spacing out.

   One of my biggest fears is meeting Bono from U2 and saying "I'm a huge fan, Bobo."

   Saw a guy in a trucker hat, with a handle bar moustache, wearing a bowtie, carrying a stack of records with an iguana on his shoulder walking down the street. Didn't think it was possible to OD on hipster

   People who have a meme for every Facebook comment scare me more than serial killers.