SEAN Funny Status Messages
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This Crazy lady with Mad Road rage was yelling out her window at me this morning before work.... "I'm gonna make your life a living hell" ...I yelled back, "Thanks but I'm already married."
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03-02-2017 11:10 by SEAN
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I hate the snow so much, I want to build a snowman just so I can punch it in its face.......
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01-12-2012 09:15 by SEAN
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Snow in the forecast and the TV weather gal said she was expecting 8 inches tonight. I thought to myself, 'fat chance,' with a face like that!
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11-16-2011 13:35 by SEAN
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I'm going to write a WalMart How to Guide, it will ask questions like 1. Does this shirt make me look like a broken can of Pillsbury biscuits? 2 It's 13 degrees out, should I really wear a long sleeve T, shorts and flip flops?
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02-04-2011 13:26 by SEAN
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My favorite Facebook photo of your baby is easily #28,614
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02-19-2014 17:14 by SEAN
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Recognizing Cuba, bastion of human oppression, is an insult to our noble allies in Saudi Arabia, Qatar, Yemen, Iraq, Pakistan and Texas.
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12-22-2014 13:37 by SEAN
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Minivans with stick figure families let burglars know exactly how many adults, children, dogs, cats, turtles and fish they'll need to tie up.
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10-11-2013 10:25 by SEAN
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When I see a Scion in my rearview mirror I always pull over and let it pass so no one's late to the Hoobastank concert.
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10-30-2013 10:42 by SEAN
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Yo bro, I wasn't sold on you being a cool dude, but that tint job on your Neon really speaks to me.
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07-24-2012 10:18 by SEAN
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Dear neighbors, If you hear a lot of screaming and cussing please do not worry and/or call the police. I am cleaning out my garage and have Arachnophobia
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06-07-2011 13:30 by SEAN
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I can only assume the next 4 weeks are incredibly difficult for people who's grandmother's were actually run over by reindeer. ..
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12-02-2015 06:56 by SEAN
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maybe congress should hire Nik Wallenda to balance the budget...
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11-02-2014 22:29 by SEAN
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Today I am thankful for dirty text messages, stripclubs, and Jack Daniels
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04-14-2011 08:21 by SEAN
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I like jury duty because it's a fun reminder that one day my life could be in the hands of a guy wearing Velcro shoes.
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01-13-2012 17:27 by SEAN
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To think, millions of children go to bed every night without knowing what their Sleep Number is.
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08-08-2012 15:30 by SEAN
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When I see a guy standing alone in front of a movie theater, I just want to go up to him and say "She told me to tell you she's not coming."
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11-28-2012 16:32 by SEAN
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With only one plug in this hospital room it's not looking good for Nana's respirator if my phone battery dies and I have another AWESOME face book status update .
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11-07-2011 13:55 by SEAN
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I've never seen more than 600 dollars worth of cars in a 7-Eleven parking lot.
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05-15-2012 11:25 by SEAN
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I didn't think my hangover was that bad until I spent 10 minutes logging into my nephew's Etch-a-sketch
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02-13-2012 17:19 by SEAN
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Speaking from experience, No More Tears shampoo does not work as advertised if you drop the bottle on a baby's face.
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11-01-2011 16:13 by sean
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