Baddie Funny Status Messages

   I've disappointed a lot of people in my life, you're not special.

   All women are crazy but if you pretend to listen to them when they talk, they will let you live.

   It's really only a matter of time before Lady Gaga gets Justin Beiber pregnant.

   [During Interview] "Do you have any questions?" - Yeah, in The Titanic why did Jack sink when he died but everyone else floated?

   I remember my single days like it was 11 years, 1 month, and 12 days ago.

   Fox canceled Cops. So I guess if I want to stay current on what my family is up to now, I'll have to turn to Facebook.

   You had me at tubes tied.

   I don't know what everyone's complaining about. The economy looks great from my parents' basement.

   My phone number is 1 digit away from a local pizza place. I still take people's orders, because I hate people who can't use a phone properly.

   Women can be so ungrateful. I just made breakfast in bed & instead of thanking me, she screams "Who are you! How did you get in my house?"

   I've perfected the confused look for when my credit card's declined.

   There were only 3 commandments until Moses' wife got involved.

   A good woman can make you feel macho, strong and able to take on the world. Oh sorry… that's vodka… vodka does that.

   If you dont sway side to side when listening to Stevie Wonder then we can't be friends.

   I'm back on my feet again!! Wait, false alarm the remote is right here.

   Co-workers not loving my Lenny Kravitz impersonation.

   I'm so excited to not hear from you again tomorrow.

   Most of my relationships have been long distance on account of all of the restraining orders.

   I'd love to watch Samuel L Jackson and Morgan Freeman get into a heated argument while James Earl Jones tries to stop them.

   Show me on this voodoo doll where it would hurt you the most.