life Funny Status Messages

   Having daughters can increase life expectancy for fathers

   My love life is terrible. The last woman I was inside of was the statue of liberty.

   Men pick their favorite sports team when they are like 11 and let it make them upset for the rest of their life.

   And suddenly people don't wonder any more if your living life to the fullest or have completely given up when you walk into the supermarket wearing pajamas.

   This is the first time in my life that am seeing a month without a weekend, everyday is everyday

   I know why blacks are always angry....you would be too if you had to go through life with a wad of pubic hair on top of your head.

   Dear gym addicts, We don't care if it's leg day, chest day or arm day. Today is get a life day. Yours sincerely, The rest of the world

   Tim Tebow just signed a 36 million dollar life long contract with kleenex!

   Some people wonder what the meaning of life is. Some people wonder if we're alone in the universe. Me? I'm just sitting here wondering whose job it is to grease the bearings on the Price is Right wheel...

   obviously sitting here staring at my computer screen waiting for a notification to suddenly pop up so I can have a moment of excitement.....i need a life!!!

   While it was predictable to imagine Trump criticizing John Lewis, it's impossible to imagine him risking his life for the rights of others.

   Took off all the straws on my kids Capri Suns and threw them out the window on my way to work.....THUG LIFE!!

   Girls..You know that "amazing" man in your life? News flash...he's fooling you and you're just eating it up.

   At one point in their life, 90% of all women will have intelligent DNA, unfortunately most will spit it out!

   I just went through the "10 items or less" line with 12 items...THUG LIFE

   When life hands you women, make women laid

   Sex sex sex sex sex sex sex! Now that I have your full attention, its weekend for god's sake, log off and go out there and enjoy your life dammit!

   Life and beer are very similar... chill for best results.

   Don't forget to change your clocks on Sunday. And while you're at it, make those changes for the better in your life that you've been putting off.

   Hey guys? You know while I hope you are all enjoying Halo 4, Black Ops 2 and Metal Of Honor? I would like you to know that some of us single guys that have a life are enjoying your girlfriends as well! You know just sayin.