life Funny Status Messages

   really hungry now but I have to serve the virtual eggheads at cafe world first.. aaahh! I need to get a life!

   trying to figure out this "cook book of life". I got the ingredients... I just dont know the recipe.

   I've only got a couple more years in my "fat stage of life" before I start getting refer'd to as the "fat friend"

   If I've learned one thing in life it's: No matter what the problem is, alcohol is always the answer.

   "When life handed me political aides I turned them into Lemonaides"- Bill Clinton

   OK, I go upstairs to the bathroom and walk by and my wife is watching Forensic Files....20 minutes later she comes down to the man cave and asks if we should get life insurance on each other!! Made me nervous

   Let us cultivate love and compassion, both of which give life true meaning, just like beer and bacon...

   some people walk into you life and leave footprints on your heart, others make you want to leave footprints on their faces.

   Owls make good pets because they're always interested in your social life. You tell it "guess who I went to the movies with" and it always asks"who?"

   Charlie Sheen is just living MY life....with A LOT more money

   MONEY can't buy life, but can give you a lot of fake friends. Beware!

   swimming less than 30 minutes after a meal.. Thug life baby!!

   Went to this mexican restaurant for dinner ... It had pronounciations of each item ... Nachos (Na-choos) Buritto (Bur-ee-toe) Taco (Ta-Koe), never laughed so hard in my life! Side note: It was attached to a bowling alley ... awesome

   Fortune Cookie: "Your life will be happy and peaceful." Dear Cookie, What drugs are you on, we should share

   Happy Mother's Day to all the Mother's that have touched my life and an unhappy one to all the Motherf#*ckers that I encounter everyday!

   They say laughing adds 15 minutes to your life... So try not to smile

   We have a game show called Survivor in America....you can win 1 million dollars for doing something for 2 weeks that most people on this planet call "life"!! It simply amazes me how spoiled, ungrateful and lazy we are!!

   Some people have to realize that not everyone was made with a good singing voice...if they were, life would just be one big musical.

   Treat life like an ocean, your heart is the shore and friends are the waves. It never matters how many waves there are, what matters is which ones touch the shore.

   There comes a point in every unicyclist's life when he sees a bicycle and says, "Jesus, they make them with 2 wheels now. I've been a fool."